it should feel like sunshine when it first hits your face after the clouds clear.
it should come from a genuine place.
it should be honest.
not saying that friendships can’t be difficult. they can be, but no matter how hard it gets as long as no one betrays boundaries, that is your friend.
inconsideration is a deal-breaker for me. that is the quickest way to lose me. if i give you my time, i’m giving you something that i value since i work so hard to give myself the life that i’ve always dreamt of. that’s hard work that i deserve to do especially since i’ve always done it in spite of & despite.
i only invite pettiness when it’s absolutely necessary to me (because it truly is sometimes), but not when i know that something is legitimately wrong with my friend. i don’t kick people when they are down because down for anyone is bad enough.
but kicking me when you’re down, knowing i am going through real shit, too & more shit that i’ll probably never explain because some people just don’t deserve to know… kicking me in all of that, will make me drop you like it was nothing.
i have lived no one’s life but my own.
a friend should value the life that you live especially if it is better than where they saw you last.
a friend should know that they don’t know everything about you even if you try your best to express that.
i’ve recently been telling some of my best friends things that i never told them before, thinking that i had. i just never did because i wanted to forget that pain.
be honest with your friends about how horrible of friends they can be sometimes. i have been hearing how horrible i can be for a while. it’s ok. we are not perfect, but there’s a difference in understanding this & just plain disliking someone for who they are or how successful they are.
you can’t force friendship. it happens or it doesn’t even when someone tries to push it on you. even when they selfishly focus on them because they feel that you can handle it… since you haven’t seen pain according to their actions & their indirect jabs.
my anger within has caused me to push people away who overstayed their welcome & learned how to value selfishness before friendship. earlier in my life while i drowned in a lot of feelings a child shouldn’t have felt, i just wanted to be left alone because i felt that my feelings had been invalidated.
mama always said that people in this world will not care about you so that’s where my selfishness to protect myself began.
if you are my true friend, you know what all of this means.
you also know that i will listen if i can & if my well-being allows me to.
i don’t care who you are or where you come from. if your conversation is genuine & your heart is pure then I am here to stay for you. people find it easy to talk to me when i open up a little. i don’t mind it when i am able because things get rough for me in my head sometimes.
friends always understand that.
if you walk that thin line & flirt with the maliciousness then that’s it. i can’t. done.
friends help dig you out of the dirt, they don’t throw the dirt on you.
they don’t fail to congratulate you or make fun of accomplishments to any extent.
i know that i’m the worst at informing loved ones when good things happen. i don’t like to even seem like i’m bragging because i know what people think of me.
i’m proud of myself.
i had to learn to be that.
i’m still learning & trying to help my friends to do the same.
my real friends know that.
being a good friend isn’t excusing shitiness or fuckery, but being able to laugh & cry after making the problems clear all while trying to fix them.
i kept friendships while in denial of how unhealthy they were, feeling like i owed people something when they didn’t understand the changes that happened in my life.
some people regarded me as the kind of friend that i wish they could’ve been for me.
i drifted from people who claimed they would be honest, but turned out to be the opposite.
you grieve friendships no matter how long they were if you really valued a friend.
your friends should NEVER make you feel uncomfortable to be who you are.